While some of it had to do with other issues in my personal life, and trying to pursue other creative
inspiration that had started to hit me in far greater quantity and quality than I am used to as of
the start of the year 2021 (which did not leave a lot of room for writing to start with) this was then
followed up by my car being hit by another car and leaving me forced to take public transit which
interacts very badly with my medical issues, and forces me to take exponentially longer to do
literally anything, and stop doing other things completely. Literally what I could do inside a day
or two before is now taking me a week or two, or rendered completely impossible, and the time and
energy eaten up has taken a severe enough toll that nothing short of miracles have made it
possible for me to keep drawing and posting even a single picture every week.
If I wasn't already 100% pro-car and anti-public-transit before I certainly am and always will be now.
I was forced in that moment to give up almost everything I had to look forward to until I can afford
another car. Donating blood, pretty much any chance of pursuing any of the creative inspirations that
had come into my being up until that point (both displayed publicly and kept private), you name it. The
added time, energy, and exposure to the elements required to get anywhere, never mind the added physical
pain, and the exponentially less that I can carry with me has been more than sufficient to leave me 100%
I will definitely always vote against any and policies that involve getting anyone out of their cars and
into public transit without any exception, and I definitely hope everyone else will please have enough
common sense to do so as well.
Today I had an unusual situation and was able to sit down and write something. Today was unexpected.
Today, like every day that I have been able to sit down and write something I can post here since
what happened to my car wasn't how I expected it to be. This year isn't what I expected it to be.
As it started I a few major frustrations that either already were or have since become chronic and
nothing short of miracle could ever fix, a few other concerns about what was a head of me, and one
crazy shock from what kind of exciting things I had been given reason to believe lay ahead of me
through the year 2021. Partly because no what I had a seense of heading my direction through 2021
didn't seem possible...
Before I was even out of bed on New Years day on 2021 I had a very clear sense that 2021 was
going to be a year of increased creativity compared to 2020, so much so that my 2020 creativity
would be made to look like nothing...my first reaction was more than a slight skepticism. Partly
because my situation at the time would prove a massive impediment to that in it's own right,
and it was showing absolutely no signs of becoming less of a difficulty as things stood...never
mind how it looks now. Besides 2020 had already been crazy creative, under circumstances that
were about as difficult in ways that over all were very different, but had also stretched me to
what I would have thought was past my limits under any circumstances. So if 2021 making that
looking tame sounds crazy as even a remote possibility I'm going to be honest, it sounds downright
insane, and I had my doubts for a reason.
Everything else from that if I'm truly honest I wrote off right then and there as impossible, and
not all of it was something I could deal with the idea of being untrue despite my total and
involuntary reaction of pure disbelief. Among them included a broken relationship with a man
I wasn't on speaking terms with at the time and hadn't been for awhile being mended (though I
don't know for certain if it was going to be this year, or just down the line), which
would not only be fully and completely unprecedented, but has never seemed even remotely
possible, and some other personal matters that seemed every bit as out of reach to have any
possible good outcome with that I will only say I would consider it best to avoid discussing here.
So of course for the first few months of 2021 while I did have to largely let go of doing any
writing I had some unexpected ideas for creative projects, old, new, and somehow both (yes
that did happen, and anyone who has ever had to shelve an idea then found by the time they
were ready to run with it, the idea had morphed, or shifted in some way, or had something
new in the way of how, or what steps are involved added along in with it will understand
what I am talking about because that's exactly what was happening to me even to the point
of overwhelm (for anyone who knows me personally, thank you for your understanding while
I am being slightly overloaded with lots of stuff I can't stand having to wait to turn
from thought into physicality). It's a very bazaar and amazing experience, even more so
when because I'm not used to having such total disconnects between the idea, and being
able to do literally anything towards it. The only thing weirder for me has been some
of the details and obvious steps I should be able to take and because of my circumstances
can't.
On through what has happened since I was forced to stop a step or two shy of quitting
everything, I had continued to get inspirational downloads, and was finally fortunate
enough to have a friend who had been through give me some very good advice about what
was going on. His suggestion was to treat them like they are meant to be brought from
thought to physicality at a later date, and document them as best I can so that I can
proceed with them at a better time. For someone who is used to being able to take steps
pretty much the moment they get the idea, it's actually a little strange to do something
like that, even though ironically I have been forced to shelve and revisit ideas by means
of external circumstances numerous times. What's different for me this time is that the
ideas I shelved before is that they were fewer in number, several weren't as fully formed
and were even written off for being to big for someone like me and just sideways of
anything I ever thought I would even consider doing even if I could...this time those
didn't just get revived, but they managed to hit me sideways with some of the details
on how to make the overwhelming size not so overwhelming (at least to get started...yes
I could tell the idea was that weren't going to stay small), among other things, and the
fact I am shelving ideas that I am still getting new inspiration on despite not being
able to run with them actively.
Safe to say this is already like nothing I have ever experienced before.
So as 2021 goes forward I will see where all this takes me, but in the mean time, I guess
whatever impressed upon me that I have a lot of creating to do one way or the other this
year definitely isn't taking no for an answer...while I don't want to go into detail here
there's a creative project in my personal life that was proof of that.
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